meeting you again..

देखता हूं देखनें को मैं दुनिया के रन्ग सारे,
पर बनाने वाला हर मसीहा नादान लगता हैं,
ठीक चलती हैं सांसें फिर भी,
जाने मन क्यों बेजान लगता हैं,
एक ही कतार में चलते दिखते सब फिर भी,
दिशाहीन जाने क्यों हर इन्सान लगता हैं,
सजा लिये हैं नये काफ़िले तुमने भी मैंने भी लेकिन,
तुमसे मिलकर आज फिर हर जहाँ सुनसान लगता हैं..

For my return to home

It is always in the nostalgic lane, the train to my home before Diwali.
Every corner of this hustling city, I see people bursting crackers. Most of them are the street goers, the elite are usually on their way to their home. But for each of these people, a feeling is shared. And that is this expression of joy on their face. I always used to wonder standing aloof; believe me I still do; as what makes all these people happy. A festival of lights, no not that! The triumph of truth over evil! No not that too!
And with this confusion, I begin my trip back home.
The engine has already whistled, before I could put a brake to my thoughts. And they start flowing again. This time with the speed of the train! Every street of the passing city is so illuminated with the joy of the numerous lights hanging there. It is very funny what they call these lights; the series of electric bulbs; it is called a "ladi" back at my place.

It is very beautiful in the night, I must say!
The train passes through the beauties of all nature. Some factories, some fields, some not so big rivers. But all these seem to be very smoothly illuminated by an absent moon. Not that I never see them on other days! But just on the Diwali trip, it seems as if the "diyas" have flown far off some place from heaven. Far enough to give them such a soothing light. It is not a distant journey. A matter of five and half hours, and I intersect the course of the Chambal.

It is the break of some odd 0400 hours that I see the Chambal. And funnily enough, I get the feeling. Yes! This is where I belong, the city of my childhood. The city is all asleep when I make it through the roads to the most distant of all places. It rightly is the most distant of all places, my home! Because even before I reach there, I had already met my friends, my most special ones, the book store keeper, the pan shop-keeper. Every one of them, so much not there, but still become so much there for me.

It is a beautiful colony where we live.
I reach my place. My father has already left to play tennis by that time. It is one routine I never saw him breaking since my early childhood! And my mother hugs me with all the might of her love. It has been seven years since I left for Delhi. But I never found that hug going weaker in might. A hug so peaceful, and yet so homely!

I still am confused, as to why the people I saw last night were happy. As to why everything in nature seemed so happy. But I know the reason to my happiness; Diwali always gives me a trip back home!

Wish the same for you!

- Abhas.

shravya for the knowledgible...

कुछ ढूंढती तनहाई, चुप से ये होंठये कहते नही, पर सबकुछ बता देतें हैं।
इन सीप सी आंखों मे तैरते दो मोती,दिल के बेताब समंदर का पता देतें है।
यूं सूखी बातों मे, मकसद नही बसगहराई लगती है अनंत कोसों की।
मुसकान, ठंडे पत्ते पर, सलौनीसुबह बैठी, लगती हैं, ओसों सी।
चुलबुली तितली हो, हो जाओ मुक्त, रहो अदभुत, तरंगित, तुम भव्या।
स्वतंत्र भरो उडान, बंधनो से दूरदूर बहुत गगन मे, सुंदर, तुम श्रव्या।

my friends....

भले की उम्मीद हो, वही बुराई का एह्सास दिला लेतॆ हैं...
दोस्तो के रन्ग भी अजब हैं, सहुलियत से मजाक बना लेते हैं!!

~ आभास

standing on a sea beach....

उन दरख्तों से उस रेत तक, कुछ सायों की परछाइयां हैं...
मैं तन्हा सही इस मौज में लेकिन.... मेरे साथ मेरी रुसवाईयां हैं!!

~ आभास

Nithari...

"Nithari se ek aur uth gaya hai, jeep wahi le chalte hain...."

It was a good lovely night on the first floor of ST Microelectronics in Noida. With only me and Baba in the office; the way he worked intently; while I enjoyed good old Hemant Kumar melodies, the thoughts of the remaining whiskey, waiting to be freed from the bottle kept back at my place; it seemed to me that the phone was ringing at a distance.

At around 1.30 in the night. Not unusual for me, and I showed no haste in picking it up. But the voice that followed knew no patience!! "Come up fast yaar.. Me and my sister were returning from the PVR after the late night show, we were stopped near the Noida bridge, and there is this cop who wants my sister to sit in his jeep, and wants me to follow in our auto-richshaw!"

Shit! I knew what it meant to leave a girl alone at these hours of the night. PCR jeep or the van with tinted glasses, sound equal in those hours of the night in Noida. And with few incidences that were happening every now and then, were not supporting the cause of keeping a peaceful mind.

It seems to be Baba's favourite slang, for he uses it for all expressions of joy,anger, frustration, cheer, "Bhosdi-wale...", and we were off towards the bridge to help my friends. The sub-inspector literally perfuming the atmosphere with the fragrance of the local wine, was in no moods of human manners, and definitely was in no moods to let this catch go easily off. It took lots of convincing, mentioning some big names, sometimes even firing back at them, but Baba finally convinced the policemen to let my friend go away with his sister.

And it was when the auto set off, and the policemen done with his duty of law-enforcement, I heard his sub-ordinate speak from inside the jeep ""Nithari se ek aur uth gaya hai, jeep wahi le chalte hain.."

sarcasm..

It takes love to look beyond sarcasm, that people pounce on opportunities to bless you with.
One of my friends told me that I don't understand sarcasm easily. :-)

some talks of silence..

...

शब्दों से परे मौन की दुनिय़ा है शायद, वक्त बिताने मेरे साथ आज वो आया होगा..
बैठा हूं साथ उसके चुप्पियों में, उसकी धडकन में मेरा माज़ी मेरा साया होगा!

the day she was getting married..

क्या तुम और क्या मैं, जैसे एक नदी के धारे,
तुम अपनी मौजो में चन्चल, मेरे अपने अलग किनारे!

आज तुम हर मित्र का कलरव, और मैं हूं शान्त गीत कोई,
आज तुम जैसे नवयुवती का आलिन्गन, मैं इक रूठी प्रीत कोई!

आज तुम कल्पित किसी ज्योतिर्विद की, मैं जीवन स्थैतिक सच्चाई हूं,
आज तुम यञपवित ज्योति सी पावन, मैं तम सागर गहराई हूं।

हे प्रेयसी, हाथो से अपने, तेरी डोली आज सजाता हूं,
"भूल जाओ तुम फिर से मुझको", ये मन्त्र फिर दोहराता हूं।

सात फेरो के कदमो से, तुम कुचल दो उन सपनॊ को,
जिन में विस्मित मन से था देखा, अ-जन्मे कई अपनो को।

क्या तुम प्रेयसी अब भी मुझसे, समीप रहना चाहोगी,
क्या अब भी संग मेरे जीवन की हर रस्मों-रीत निभाओगी।

क्या तुम और क्या मैं अब, जैसे एक नदी के धारे,
तुम अपनी मौजो में चन्चल, मेरे अपने अलग किनारे!

~आभास!

शायद ऐसे ही..

"Sometimes all we have in our hands is the shadow.. And sometimes the nothing we lose is the actual person!"
~abhas.

sleepy man :-)

हे मेरे सारथी, मुझे ले चलो जीवन पार उस रण-क्षेत्र में, जहां शस्त्रो का कोई मकसद ना हो..
हे पार्थ, अपने किसी शत्रु का लक्ष्य बना मुझे अपने गांडीव से अब तो तुम मुक्त कर दो..
हे स्रुष्टी, अब तो मुझे कर दो सभी आग्रहो व आकान्शाओ से मुक्त..
कही शायद सुबह होने का आभास हुआ हैं..
तुम्हारे साथ हे रात्रि प्रहरी मॆं भी सोना चाहता हूं..

the guerrilla warfare

America is the lands of guerrillas. And I had the insight to this while psuedo-touring the wineries around the great lakes around Ithaca. Big companies definitely dominate the news here, but small companies dominate the market for sure. I remember asking Debjeet once about the market of vegetables in Ithaca, and his insightful comment as to how the locals dominated the market there too!

One of the most common strategy of the guerrilla is to reduce the size of the battleground to gain superiority of the force. Is that what Mr. Jethmalani tried to do, with his outrageous attacks on the media too! He is an intellegent man, I must say. And he realizes that the battleground to fight is the court, and not the public opinion as far as conviction in case shall be concerned. It seems to me that he is using all the three elements of ambush, dissimulation and sabotage to full benifits to stregthen his case.

Ambush, for he hides behind the name "Jethmalani" when he openly accuses the press. His charges for creating "images" of the accused in public opinion might not be taken lightly. People, in this case the judiciary, has to believe that the press did "create" a public notion against Manu Sharma, thus diluting and winning the first round of negotiations with the bench sitting with the pen.

Dissimulation; this I think will be the real game which he shall play for the failure of our beloved police system. The ping-pong ball has already had a bad time, whether it was playing with tampered evidences, or with "forcing" people to make statements. Half truths cannot be belived and it will be simple for a man of his stature to make the authorities believe so.

The above two might work well for the benifit of the lawyer for sure, but the third strategy is benind my comprehension. It might as well mean the policy of workplace sabotage, the great dilemma for the supporters of trade unions. Trying to brand the press as the failing machinery here is the final blow that he could have given. Though assuming all the moral responsibility that a lawyer should hold, he openly rubbishes the fact of any social responsibility in the case.

Well I do not want to discuss if the lawyer is right or wrong here. But he definitely is a good entreprenuer for sure. At least he knows how to make good use of the guirrellas.

an explanation

the "mother" in my blog signifies certain people in my life.
and does not refer to my biological mother.
am sorry to readers for whom the word "mother" causes confusion!
sorry for that :-)

newton versus brahmagupta

in the words of "baba", the difference between a scientist and a rishi comes by understading the difference between "knowing" and "learning".

there had been many mathematician in the west trying to solve the intricacies of many different equations, and there was brahmagupta, just saying "chalit kalit vargo vivechika", the roots of the quadratic equations.

readers, please do not jump to the conclusion trying my effort as the defining grounds between "knowing" and "learning". it is another thing that i wanted to point out here.

for me it is not the fight between the east of know all and/or the west of learn all,
but it is the sweet confluence of the two.. and the joint lesson for me says..
"you should know that you need to learn, and you should learn what you need to know."

baba does the magic again!

the transition from professional to academic life

I think this person likes me, the person named God. he has given me many, and still keeps on giving many good experiences to me with time. and one such was this recent transition of mine. the transition from professional to academic life, as opposed to the many others from student to professional life.

the design of the timing analyzer interface (details of which i shall avoid for the benifit of my readers) has been one of the best experiences of my life. and i hope neither me, nor jogi ji will ever forget the endless up-downs i used to make between the ground floor of synthesis and the first floor of the timing analysis. and i am really thankful to mahendra khalsa for at least proving my efforts fruitful in the end.

funnily to fulfill my desire of pro-activeness, i did take many parts of the timing analyzer in my own hands. and i really used to get surprised seeing the managerial delays in the project. and then i made the biggest mistake of my career, trying the side-development of the prototype analyzer by myself. i was working double, that meant double the work and half the results in ST-FPGA. a particulary bad decision; that was always suggested by Jogi's smile when i reported him the delays at the interface :)

i was about to lose it, and just when i was about to loose it, our very own baba came to my rescue. he gave me the lesson that i have always kept by my side, ever since then. and that is the beauty of baba too, he will say things so simply, that they go through your head. "you don't work by yourself, and you wait for people to ask you to do it". soon i found myself doing all the things falling in place, and the really ironic part came when i was assigned the job of timing optimization by none other than jogi ji again. he will smile when he reads it, because he knows that i was bad at it :)

but things are changing now, and though no one says it. but i can see the expectations of pro-activeness again

what has happened to me?

always known as the absent minded professor, i had already earned the reputation of being uninformed of most of the things in my office. things which included my salary slips, my locker and car keys, my insurance papers.
but it was a time when i really used to enjoy my absent mindedness. it would be fun reaching the desk in office and suddenly saying to myself "shit!! i did not bring the pen-drive along with me." and i would then treat myself to a leisurely walk from the desk to the parking lot for my lovely "zen", and then an expression again "shit!! left the car keys at the desk!!"
it is not age for sure that has been getting on to me. but is it then THE Cornell pressure!! hope not, simply because i am not taking any!! :)
my friends are really concerned, and now am getting irritated too at this absent minded attitude of mine too!!
hope to get rid of it soon!! need some major re-organization in my life.

remembering names for bhabhi

चमकते हुए उस कपाल पर, देखी मैंने एक स्मित लकीर,
मन हर्षित हुआ जैसे, किसना को देखे कोई फ़कीर।
आभास हुआ जैसे मित्र मेरे, तुम बात खुदी से करते थे,
मुग्ध मन से जब मुझे सुनाते, अपने बचपन के चर्चे थे।
तब देखा मैंने तुमको कभी-कभी, फिर गिरते गहराई में,
जैसे "फिर" सोये थे कुछ पल तुम, अपने दुख की परछाई में।
फिर क्षितिज पर तैर तुम, सुर्य नवीन से उदित हुए,
हठ करते इस बाल-राम से जैसे, इश्वर फिर हर्षित हुए।
आशिष हैं मेरा हंसो सदा तुम, यूं जीवन आगामी में,
जैसे खेले सुर से कोई, मधुर जीवन रागिनी में।
- आभास

पं. नरेन्द्र शर्मा

आह! अन्तिम रात वह,
बैठी रहीं तुम पास मेरे,
शीश कांधे पर धरे,
घन कुन्तलों से गात घेरे,
क्षीण स्वर में कहा था,
"अब कब मिलेंगे ?"

आज के बिछुड़े न जाने कब मिलेंगे ?
"कब मिलेंगे", पूछ्ता मैं, विश्व से जब विरह कातर,
"कब मिलेंगे", गूँजते प्रतिध्वनिनिनादित व्योम सागर,
"कब मिलेंगे", प्रश्न उत्तर "कब मिलेंगे"!
आज के बिछुड़े न जाने कब मिलेंगे?

a good day

कहीं तो होगा किसी वसुन्धरा के आंचल से खेलता, मन मेरा किसी बादल को देखता हुआ..
पुछ्ता जनक से इस अन्जान स्रुष्टी के अनन्त रहस्य.. फिर बढ जाता ब्राह्मण बने किसी और ठौर की और..
कोई तो होगा जो उसे वापस बुला सके.. की शायद अब गौण सम्पूर्ण हो चला हैं...

i have been like this since my childhood. and i still remember the heartahce i had when one of my dear friend's father got transfered from kota. i have not seen, neither met that friend since and i do not know if i will ever find him again in the more of this world. especially losing hopes after repeated failures of the technology gurus of google, orkut, linked-in in these ends.

they say that small incidence make great impact, and it did to me too. don't know if it was similar incidences like above,or if it was inherent in me, but i always was really worried of losing touch with my dear friends. time runs fast; and it is smart enough for cutting threads of moments between friends to run fast. the thought always makes me smile, the burglar knows how to steal moments from others to add to the ticks of its own self.

days have past, and i am finding myself getting more and more engrossed in the business of the hectic class schedules, and the beauty of ithaca that needs ages to capture! and as i am getting more "busy" i can sense the "losing touch" factor coming into play again.some people complain that i am not keeping in touch. and i pass the complaint to some!

for the ones who are not keeping in touch, this becomes tricky :)
all i can advise them is to remember that technology will never be all-encompassing, for the universe shall always have corners undiscovered.
and for the ones who complain that i am not keeping in touch,
believe me that i believe in what i wrote!!

..
हाथ छुठे भी तो रिश्ते नहीं छोडा करते
the line of a hindi ghazal that i always used to believe since i understood the meaning of this line!