Friday, September 29, 2006


it was a good day for me again.. i like meeting this person "manish" time and again.. somehow it feels good to have someone to call upon, specifically when you hate to have your lunch alone..
"food".. a rare commodity i must say.. won't recall the people i have seen in noida, starving for food..

it was happy moments that i learned that i would be coming to cornell and so did i come.. there has always been this resolve that has been inside me.. never to leave any of my responsibilities unattended to the starving and needy of india.. donating 30thousand for the treatment of a terminally ill girl has never made me proud exactly.. feel like all others trying to run from responsibility by donating a few bucks..

the girl was ill because of malnutrition.. rather undernutrition.. and it was with an under-financed and under-resourced organization, that she was trying to fight her undernutrition..

i have seen many cracked faces, many dried up eyes.. but remembering the face and eyes of that little soul still makes me realize the lies i have been living my through my life.. the lies of being good, of being able to be good to people.. the lie of being helpful, of being able to be helpful to people..

but the girl gave me my freedom yesterday.. she had died a couple of days back.. and yesterday i recieved emails from my friends back asking for my intent for the leftover money.. i can reclaim the money from them as the cause itself has perished.. or i can leave them a note that i trust them with more human causes for investing my money.. that is a different issue altogether..

it helps sometimes, but definitely NOT always, at being mocked at by friends.. and my friend manish is good at it.. his jokes, unlike many others, don't make you feel insulted.. it helps you out of thoughts..

i started feeling happy for the girl yesterday.. finally she has had the much awaited rest.. i celebrated yesterday for her with my friends.. treated myself to a good Thai Cuisine (if the details really do bother me :) ).. but am really feeling good about it now!!

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

the first day out of my mother's womb....

how indifferent attitude of hers, that she had forced me out of her womb today..
today i was reborn to see the world from a new perspective..
time and again the heart urged me to return to her and tell her that i do not like the world without her..
but she has died long past giving birth to the new me..
should i be thankful that she brought me in this new light.. or should i blame her for the mean-ness she has showed to return to her own heaven..
leaving me alone behind.. to grow and fight for God known reasons..
may be she will never know.. may be i will never show.. but i hate her for dying..
and i love her for the loving time that i was there in her womb..